Ch.132 and more Akito

[demeter918]

A few more thoughts before I go off to read other reaction posts.

The more I read this chapter, the more I want to sing.

To be honest, while I'd wished and hoped for an ending where Shigure and Akito managed to walk the same road together for once, I'd pretty much given up. I love the two of them, but their love for each other was so poisonous and it hurt too many people to ever be really something I could fully enjoy.

This is especially so for me with Shigure. There were times I absolutely hated him because he essentially knocked everyone who was ever in his way into the ditches. He took the feelings of others and dismissed them in the face of his goal. At several points, I wanted to throttle him because how could you not dislike a man who manipulated Rin into all those situations? Sure, he was doing it for his single-minded love, sure, it was because he LOVED AKITO SO DAMN MUCH but for fucks sake, he took Rin's life and basically shoved it off a cliff so he could rip a hole among the Juunishi and engineer hatred between Akito and one of her more beloved Juunishi. It's not admirable (though I do admire it) and it's not pure (though I sometimes find myself wanting to cheer him on) and it's pretty damn disturbing. Shigure has wanted Akito for so long that it's essentially warped him and you know what? He knows it's not healthy and that it's dark and twisted and it's not pure like the love Kureno held for Akito. But he didn't care. Shigure didn't care about any of that as long as he attained that final goal of Akito belonging to him and only hiim.

Most of you know I absolutely adore this pairing and that it's one of the few pairings in my life that's willed me to write fic. Very few other pairings in all the fandoms I've participated in have pulled me in the same way Akito and Shigure did. And yet, it's times like these that I find myself withdrawing because, yes, Shigure was a manipulative, greedy, obsessed, deeply in love bastard and Akito was an abusive, damaged, half-mad tyrant and the two of them are nothing like the traditional or even the unconventional shoujo pairing.

In shoujo, you don't get pairings that drive each other to the depths of despair like Akito and Shigure have. In shoujo, you don't have one man so intent on gaining his one sole end that he throws everything else into the fire. In shoujo, you don't get a woman like Akito and still have her alive in the end. In shoujo, women like Akito die or end up in perilous fates. In shoujo, men like Shigure are properly lambasted by the hero and fall to conventional regret. In shoujo, men like Shigure end up hating themselves and regretting everything they did.

And fuck it. This isn't traditional shoujo. I'm not even sure if Akito and Shigure can be categorized as anything other then themselves. I've been reading manga since I was six or seven and they're not like any pairing I've ever read or seen in my life. And maybe it makes me a bit sick and maybe a bit odd, but perhaps I like it. Perhaps there's something so ultimately hopeful that two people as fucked as they were could be happy in the end. Because even though Shigure's a manipulative, scary, twisted, obsessive, oh, kind of a bugger, well... so is Akito. This is why Kureno and Akito could never work out, as wonderful and tragic as they were.

Kureno was this unusual character who cared too much for others and too little for himself. He wanted only the best for Akito and that might have been the reason why Akito couldn’t bear him the same way she can of Shigure. Everything about Kureno glows and when a person hates herself the way Akito does, to have someone who was so truly pure and devoted and loyal, I imagine it hurt every single day of her life. Her guilt was probably heavy enough to kill her twice over with just Kureno alone and with the rest sitting in front of her? Staring at the unbelievable fact that she's wearing a kimono, that she has her hair pinned back, that she's a OMGGIRLSHEHASBOOBIES.

I liked how their story was gently wrapped up on the same veranda (okay, so maybe it wasn't the same veranda, but it felt like it) where it all started. He had given her a chance; if she didn't want to be with him the way he wanted, she could leave him, never come near him again. But his words, said with that infuriating half-smile of his, was basically saying that this was her last chance to run away. If she came to him again, he'd never let her go and that is frightening when you're Akito and you're in your brand new skin that you'd never thought you'd ever have and now look!

The big bad wolf is salivating and lusting and basically telling little red riding hood that he's chased her from grandmother's house to the woods and that the woodcutter could keep coming after him with an axe and he'd still be pursuing her. He'd chase her until she was dead tired on the ground and then he'd swoop her up to have his way with her and I don't think we've had a more clear case of obsession than we have with Shigure.

This was their beginning and it's their end and maybe I'm glad that the Juunishi reaction was brief. I wanted to see how they all reacted to Akito's 'sudden' gender change but, hey, more room for us ficcers to work with. We needed this conclusion for Akito and Shigure and it was twisted and sad and hurtful and maybe it was abso-fucking-lutely wonderful.

Akito had once asked Shigure if he liked her and you know what?

I'm pretty sure he does.

♥

Comments

[umadoshi.livejournal.com]

I haven't actually got anything to add, but I really enjoyed both of your posts on the chapter. *^^*

[demeter918.livejournal.com]

=) Thanks! I do want to hear about your take on Shigure and Rin though; I almost can't believe he's getting away scotfree over the the Rin thing... unless the younglings still don't really know what happeend?

[umadoshi.livejournal.com]

I assume most of them don't have any idea what went down--for that matter, how much *Rin* knows may be debatable.

For myself, I think . . . I still think that what happened to her, overall, was more something that he allowed to happen to her than something he caused to happen. But I'm still pretty angry about it. Not sure how angry Rin might be capable of being over it--she doesn't actually seem to get angry at the people who actually hurt her, which seems significant (even though she has supernatural influences at work in Akito's case, and parents are pretty much always a special case even/especially for abused children . . . )

[coastal-spirit.livejournal.com]

I feel really dumb here. ^^;;

Sure, he was doing it for his single-minded love, sure, it was because he LOVED AKITO SO DAMN MUCH but for fucks sake, he took Rin's life and basically shoved it off a cliff so he could rip a hole among the Juunishi and engineer hatred between Akito and one of her more beloved Juunishi.

Can either one of you clarify this for me? I'm not quite sure what it is that you're referring to here, and feel that I've really missed something important regarding Shigure and Rin. I'm not questioning you or challenging you on this point, mind you, I'm just rather puzzled as to what he did to her directly. Do you think that he told Akito about her relationship with Haru? Do you think he had some part in her imprisonment? (my heart rejects the thought that he knew about it, although my mind keeps niggling at me about it.) Or is it something else altogether?

Help me Ysa, Demeter, you're my only hope... ;)

[umadoshi.livejournal.com]

For my part, I'm thinking more in terms of the pattern of Shigure's behavior than any specific event. I don't think he directly caused any of the bad things that happened to her (except possibly telling Akito about her relationship with Haru, and I prefer to think it wasn't him . . . which is odd, given everything else I believe). I do believe he is the only person who's capable of manipulating Akito's behavior in a way that could have prevented some of her rage falling on Rin the way it did. And I do believe that he knew she was imprisoned and did nothing. (Ginny and I debate that point quite a bit. ^^) Whether it was because he didn't feel that thwarting Akito in that was in his best interests, or because he was deliberating setting things up to make Haru break away from her, I don't know.

(Demeter, am I interpreting things completely differently from you? Or are you thinking of something more specific? *can cheerfully discuss this for ages*)

[coastal-spirit.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Ysa. That clears it up quite a bit for me, and I can see what you mean. I really want to believe that there's good in Shigure, and I've always felt that he had a fondness for Rin, so I hate to think that he'd hurt her in any significant way. I *hope*, and prefer to believe both that he didn't tell Akito about Rin and Haru's relationship and that he didn't know about her imprisonment, but that may be just because I *want* to think that, rather than anything based on fact or common sense.

[umadoshi.livejournal.com]

Of course, to a very large extent I'm theorizing with all of this, since Takaya hasn't been explicit about how much Shigure knew/knows. But I also believe he sincerely cares for Rin, which makes it all that much worse in my head. ;_;

[demeter918.livejournal.com]

For me, I don't really care that Shigure wasn't directly involved. To me, he was just as guilty. It might have had a good end, with Haru leaving and the two of them being able to be together again, but Rin suffered a lot and I don't like it when Shigure is absolved of his guilt while Ren and Akito are reamed within an inch of their lives. I love Shigure, but damn, he's really a bastard sometimes.

[demeter918.livejournal.com]

Shigure, to me, was a manipulative son of a bitch.

Sure, he wasn't the one to lock her away and sure, he wasn't the one to cut her hair and sure, he didn't tell Akito to do the thing she did, but to me, he's almost just as guilty. He had that one goal and Rin was just a part of it; he probably felt 'bad' about it later, but most likely, he never regretted it and that just makes me guts curl. And it makes me furious too, because many would absolve his actions simply on the fact that he didn't actually put a hand on Rin; all he did was give her a mental and metaphorical push into hell.

[umadoshi.livejournal.com]

And it makes me furious too, because many would absolve his actions simply on the fact that he didn't actually put a hand on Rin; all he did was give her a mental and metaphorical push into hell.

*nods* I have similar feelings. I recognize his motives, but I'm so very not in the "love justifies anything" camp.

[demeter918.livejournal.com]

Love so DOES NOT justify everything. I admit, I feel sympathetic to him and on a certain level, I admire his single-mindedness, but I'd prefer not to forget that Shigure played the younger kids like puppets on a string for his own purposes. Little can absolve him of that particular responsibility.

... now, all we need is to see what happens in the next chapter!

[flamika.livejournal.com]

Totally agree, especially with the thoughts on Shigure. I'm so, so glad that Takaya didn't have him degenerate into the typical villian filled with regret and sporting an immense soft spot for the hero/heroine. I like Shigure just the way he is; I think to change the ruthlessness of his nature would be to undermine his character.

[demeter918.livejournal.com]

Shigure? Regret? Does he have that word in his vocab? ;)

Yeah, I think it's kind of refreshing. It's certainly very unusual, almost unheard of, in shoujo and I think Takaya-sensei really relished shaking everything up, especially where she turned it about from a story on Tohru to a story about Tohru and Akito. They seem to be dissimilar on the surface, but they have a lot similarities beneath the whole light-dark dichotomy.

I really hope we get to see what Hatori predicted wayback when. =) How there'd be people wanting to hurt him for everything he'd done, and how Hatori wouldn't protect him, but he wouldn't yell at him either.

[flamika.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I really want to see Shigure come clean to the younger Juunishi. I'm glad we got Akito/Shigure clarification; now I want Shigure clarification. I think the younger Juunishi have a right to know why their lives were toyed with so mercilessly.

[demeter918.livejournal.com]

Ficcy, if that doesn't happen. ;)

I, for one, would like to see Haru punch Shigure and then for Shigure to sit on the floor rubbing his chin with a wry smile on his face. And then for Akito to look a bit disconcerted because Haru did it for her too. Maybe. I wish. Haru loves AKITO!

... my fantasy is getting the better of me, obviously.

[flamika.livejournal.com]

Haha, this is one fantasy that I will encourage. XD *still craves Haru and Akito interaction*

[demeter918.livejournal.com]

Me too. I so want a Haru and Akito moment where she's all nervous and awkward and heavy with guilt and not sure of how to act around him (he did threaten to kill her if she ever spoke to him again... I wonder if that's going to come up at all? Or are we ficwriters going to have to work on it entirely ourselves?

That might be fun. =)

[umadoshi.livejournal.com]

I crave other people writing Haru and Akito interaction. ^_^ By the time Akito's part in the AU was written, I'd practically made myself ill.

*eyes you two hopefully*

[(Anonymous)]

Hi, I hope you don't mind a complete stranger commenting. Anyway, like you, I'm obsessed with Shigure/Akito, and I couldn't exactly pinpoint why until you articulated it in your post! They and their relationship are very unique, aren't they? In other stories, one person could be twisted but the other would be good, and there would be a lot of repentance afterwards. There's something very satisfying about two people who are warped themselves, hurt other people and each other, and yet have this all-consuming love. It's the insane version of "love never dies."

I must be the only person who couldn't stand the Kureno/Akito thing, though. It was easier for me to cheer for Shigure/Akito despite all the damage they did. See, while I appreciate that Kureno was so self-sacrificing, I didn't think that he really loved her, not in the way she needed to be loved. From what he said to Tohru, I got the impression that he was with her out of pity, that he was just waiting for her to be stronger, and then he could leave her. It felt like he was physically with her but that she didn't have his whole heart. If she did, then his meeting with Arisa wouldn't have made the impact that it did in his life. For me, it was a relationship that prevented them from having more encompassing ones. Kureno knew that Akito loved Shigure and not him; he couldn't be with the girl who he felt he could love; and Shigure, who really loved Akito, got cut out. So did Arisa.

I don't think the reason Akito chose Shigure was because Kureno was self-sacricing and that Shigure was more like her. I don't think it had anything to do with guilt. I believe that something in her simply responded to Shigure in a way she didn't with the other juunishi. And she responded to him as Akito the girl, not the god. She's been attracted to him ever since she was a (nice, non-crazy) child, even if she didn't fully understand that attraction. Her thing with Kureno was based more on his beeing one of her (former) juunishi. Sure, it turned sexual, but I think that Akito learned somewhere (from Shigure?) that sex was a way to bind a person to her and used it on him. From some of the things she said and did, I got the impression that Akito didn't always have a firm grasp on relationships in general, she could get confused, especially when she was so desperate.

Sorry for rambling...

[demeter918.livejournal.com]

No prob!

Shigure and Akito are particular favorites of mine and there are tons of reasons why. But somehow, it's just cause they fit. =)

don't think the reason Akito chose Shigure was because Kureno was self-sacricing and that Shigure was more like her.

Well, no, of course not. What I meant was that their relationship couldn't work out because she'd be wracked with guilt the entire time. This 'new' Akito is realizing that much of what she's done was wrong and painful and that she was the the one to drive them away. Staying with Kureno would almost be out of guilt. Oh, I don't doubt that Akito loves Kureno with all her heart. Besides Shigure, I think Kureno could possibly be the only other person she loves just as deeply, if in a different way.

Akito, in her own way, knew that Shigure loved her and probably wanted her the way she wanted him, but at the same time, she was supposed to be a guy and for her thoughts to be so twisted as a child about what gender means to her, personally, affected their relationship in ways that weren't laid out in the manga. Kureno, I think, was the safer choice. But with her trying to change her life and take control, she realized though she loved Kureno and Kureno loved her, it wasn't the love either of them were looking for.

[f-ireworks.livejournal.com]

Wow, there is so much to say, so much to say, and this was such an awesome post!

I think this is story-telling at its best. Takaya makes us feel sympathetically for each and every one of her characters (I mean, even the bad guy in Mogeta has his own set of issues). They are all real people, living in a real world, and they all have very real issues to contend with (it makes me wonder if Takaya is a psychology major, or something such. Her grasp on people is amazing).

Shigure is what drew me to Furuba. I started researching about Fruits Basket because it was one of the only manga series my library carried, and when I saw Shigure's picture, I thought "hmmm... I like him," and then I read about his relationship with Akito and went, "HMMM, I like this!" and decided to give it a shot (very unconventional way of coming across a manga series, I know), and I have loved him/them from the start.

Shigure is very manly and brave in a way that none of the other characters is. He knows who he is, though, sometimes, through his own skewered, biased magnifying glass through which he looks at himself, I think he misses some good within. It's easier to think of yourself as rotten and evil and twisted and the worst, because it makes it easier to do what you have to do, what nobody else will do, and that's how I view Shigure most of the time (though I'm afraid I'm probably misreading him and giving him too much credit). He has done some terrible things, and even he himself is surprised that "everything is coming through so cleanly," but everything he is doing works (but, does the end justify the means? In his mind, it seems so. What is the reader supposed to think?)

I tend to go with the theory that Akito sleeping with Kureno is what finally "turned him to the dark side" (*loves using StarWars phrases in random conversation*) Child!Shigure seems so tender and sweet, so gentle yet beyond sharp for his years. How did that child become the man we know? The why is easy to answer: he wanted Akito, and he couldn't fully have her, not when he had to share her with all those people, not when she didn't see herself as who she really was, so he had to find a way to make that happen.

Akito had been deceived so many times and, for all the cruelty directed at her by several people, she was sheltered from many truths and, mostly, from the truth of what her actions were doing, to others, and to herself. When Akira died and they gave her that box, they lost an amazing chance of making her face the truth. Then it happened again with Kureno (and it happened over and over again when her whims were met at other people's expense. It was the bond doing it, most of the times, but how could Shigure fight her like he did? And this thought has just occurred to me. He actively fought her, maybe because he had a greater wish. Maybe that's what the others needed to break the curse, too? Please, excuse the crazyness in my thread of thought... It's early and I'm watching makeup commercials on TV ;-) ) When Kureno decided to stay with her and conceal his release from the others, when he slept with her, he destroyed a priceless chance of making Akito snap out of it. He did just what everybody else had done, for all of her life: keep her from facing the music. And Shigure retaliated. Yes, because this time it wasn't just sheltering her; Akito was going away. Away from him, and into another man's arms, and that was more than he could bear. And, oh, what a vengeance! Everything became very twisted from then on.

[f-ireworks.livejournal.com]

(I'm so sorry!! My post was too long it didn't fit and I had to cut. Sorry, sorry for rambling so much in your journal!)

So, after writing all of this (and sorry for rambling in your journal like this), I'm not sure that I even have a point :-S I guess what I've been trying to say is that Shigure is one person who is not afraid to see himself for what he is and to carry his actions through to the end and, though his motives were not noble and the means he used, highly questionable; even though getting Akito back was the main objective, the release of the curse happened as a by-product (and getting everyone to see themselves in a better light, to be brave). After reading your post, I think we might have to see some sort of confrontation between him and the other juunishi. I think it's necessary. The one thing is that, for all the hurt that has been caused, for everything that has gone bad, everybody seems like they finally have a chance at happiness. I know that is absolutely no reason to forget, but after living the kind of life those people were living (full of rejection, cruelty, hatred, hopelesness), the learning and discovery that has occurred, and now the chance to live a fuller life, must be something they'll remember when they are asked to judge Shigure.

Am I crazy to think this way? I was thinking about it when I went to sleep, too, worried that I was making him too soft, that I was giving him too much credit, that I wasn't understanding him for who he was, that I was being too lenient with him... and it troubles me. Am I crazy? Am I misreading him? I think I may need to make a post on this... :-/

Thanks for your wonderful comments, Demeter! As always, I look forward to hearing your thoughts, and they always, always, make me really analyze what I think, and discover new things about this series I so love. Thank you!!! :-)

Hope you have a good, fun day, and weekend :-D

[demeter918.livejournal.com]

Hey, I like rambling!

Honestly, I love Shigure, have loved him since V.4, but I find him sometimes despicable and an arse. No matter how much he loves Akito, it doesn't justify his actions. I can hardly absolve Akito in my mind; I'd never do it for Shigure. For one thing, he's a petty, jealous bastard too. Oh, I am absolutely in love with that aspect of him. He loves Akito so damn much, he pretty much would be willing to commit murder to get her. He didn't kill anyone, but he pretty much shoved people Rin and Kureno into metaphorical firepits to get what he wanted. I think if it killing Yuki and Kyo would have cemented Akito to his side, he probably would have done it. If kicking Tohru out of his house might have made Akito all his, he probably would have done it. That's the thing about Shigure; he has no limit on what he would do to get Akito. And that's admirable in a sense and really disturbing in another.

But the reason, for me at least, in why I think their relationship might actually work is because Akito is just as fucked up as him and they work for each other. They both desperately want each other, to the point that if they blended into one, I'd think they'd be happiest. All Shigure wanted was Akito to belong solely to him and all Akito ever wanted was someone who loved her just for her and no other reason. And that makes them perfect for each other. XD

[f-ireworks.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for sharing this.

And that's admirable in a sense and really disturbing in another.
Oh, yes. I don't know if I am misinterpreting things, but I feel Shigure is a sort of Luca Brassi (random reference to The Godfather--who knows where that came from). Of course, Shigure is not in the mafia, and is not literally shooting people on the streets, but he does the dirty work. I don't know if it makes sense, but the way I see it, Shigure is doing what nobody else steeled themselves to do. Only Rin and Tohru had actively been looking for a way to break the curse, only two, out of fifteen other people. Shigure had been looking for a way to end things, and was doing what it took. Shigure was actively fighting Akito to get her to realize things, when everybody else just submitted to her, even though they hated it, saying that they couldn't do anything else because of the curse. However, after thinking of what Shigure has done (oposing her, leaving her, "befriending" [lose usage of the term] her mother when he knew she hated her... nobody else had had the courage to do any of that, really),I wonder if Shigure just has a stronger will and that's what allowed him to get to where he is, to get him to "move" things?

Sorry for getting all carried away again :-) Your post was wonderful, and I've been thinking a lot about the points you made. The comparison to red-riding hood was chilling and very apt. Thank you so much for such a thought-provoking post, and answers to my questions!